in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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