and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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