That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
