someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
