So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
