eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
