He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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