If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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