I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm at about main and main street
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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