They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
