This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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