dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
