College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
