the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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