if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
