Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
