you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
