yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
