you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
