i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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