foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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