why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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