Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
