your parents love me but you hate me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
