so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize