My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize