community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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