I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize