her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
