I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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