Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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