I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
