So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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