meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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