oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
