a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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