apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize