my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I want a musical about memes.
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