she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
