He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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