the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
