bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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