Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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