A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
