I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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