Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
