Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
