i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
