We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
