she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize