Kiss
Puke
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
