Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
