dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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