I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
