You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
