1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
