he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
