Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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