the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
