im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
