at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
