shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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