I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
