i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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