It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
