This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
