Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How does it feel to date your dad?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize