So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
