i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
