remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
