apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
