i barfeds in our rink
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
