So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
