Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
