just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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