I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
