I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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