My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
