he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
