so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
