this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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