You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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