I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
