so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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