Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
