Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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