She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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