I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
