I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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