She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
