her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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